Meet Kimberly Cacia

 
I stood leaning into you as my tears soaked your mane.  I knew if I laid it all out for you that you would not judge me you would take my sorrow and my rage into you and hold me in your space.  My heart was empty I had no love for myself let alone for anyone else I was a shell with nothing left to give.  I had just had my second beautiful daughter and I knew in my conscious brain she was wonderful and that I loved her but I couldn’t find it in my heart.  I couldn’t find the joy, the pure love between newborn and mom.  My pregnancy had been a rollercoaster of being sick coupled with caring for my toddler.  My birth story was one of trauma and it seemed that I just couldn’t find the happiness in this new life I had brought into the world.  I became filled with regret that I had brought this tiny soul into a home where her own mother couldn’t be happy.  I didn’t see how I was supposed to get to the other side of this?  How was I supposed to get past this.  I often found myself in my sanctuary … my barn with my horses and sheep.  

My gelding had always been my place to find peace in myself. I don’t know how many times I walked out to the barn to tell him how alone I felt in a house full of people. To tell him how I didn’t know how to move on. To ask him if my family would move on without me and be happier for it. I asked him so many times to take care of my girls and my husband but looking into his eyes I just couldn’t leave. Its as though he was telling me that his heart was big enough to love them until I could as if he knew I had to learn to love myself again before I could love my family.

This is my story of survival and let me tell you it wasn’t easy. I found healing in my barn through the animals that live there and peace through yoga, meditation, and oils.

If you have asked yourself any of these question please join my free community of other moms where we support and lift each other up!

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Updates from Kimberly Cacia

Oh Christmas Tree!

We went to hunt down our Christmas tree yesterday and we had so much fun!  It was Audrey's first year going to chop down a real tree and I think Henley's second year picking out a tree with us.  Both the girls loved the tractor ride to the tree pasture but once we found our tree Audrey didn't understand why the tractor didn't magically reappear immediately to retrieve us and bring us back to the heated barn with the barn kitty in it.  Henley was very helpful picking out the tree and testing if it was the right height to put a star on and if it was too poky or just the right amount of softness.  

Momming while running on empty...

Momming while running on empty...
My kids at times seem to have endless amounts of energy while only sleeping for a couple hours... I however don't seem to be able to do either.  Being a mom can be difficult in the best of times but when you're exhausted that is so much harder!  When I am tired I have a shorter temper, less patience and generally turn into a grump.  This also makes it much harder in the middle of the night when the toddler wakes up and can't sleep in her own bed to try and negotiate with her to return to her own bed instead of just letting her crawl in with me.
I find it extremely important to make sure that the few hours of sleep I am able to get is quality sleep.  I found a weighted blanket that I really love and I feel like actually really helps me sleep.  I also found an electric heating pad that is great for those achy mom muscles (making humans takes a toll on the body).  The last thing that I find really helpful is diffusing oils in the bedroom while I sleep this has made 
a huge difference for myself as well for my husband!  I have not however found a great way to keep the toddler in her own bed except for bribery which only seems to work 50% of the time.  Remembering to take care of yourself is important allowing you to better take care of your family.
You can get the weighted blanket that I love here and the heating pad here.  If your interested in getting essential oils for your household this is the company that I use (the only one I trust to have quality oils I can use on my family and pets) https://www.youngliving.com/en_us/products/holiday-starter-bundle?sponsorid=4013589&enrollerid=4013589.  Young Living also has a whole line of personal care products, supplements, kids line and even animal products!

 
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